How to Create Space Between Work & Life
I hate the phrase “work/life balance.” It implies that work and life are on the same level. It sets an expectation that they are of equal importance. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a world where the baseline assumption is that work always takes up 50% of our time and life gets the “privilege” of taking up the remaining 50%. Sheesh. That’s some capitalist garbage. Yet, this is our current reality.
Some employers are starting to push against this. I’m always excited to see companies that approach it in a fresher way. Instead of traditional “work/life balance”, we’re starting to see flexible work and full-time remote work become more normalized. At the same time, old-school corporations push back and mandate archaic return-to-office policies that not only read as tone-deaf to their Millennial and Gen-Z employees but are generally seen as less effective. Turns out, happy employees produce better results. What a concept!
I find that when it comes to carving out the flexibility you deserve, you have to be proactive. It also helps to instill these habits early on when you start a job. Even better, choose your company based on their flexibility if that’s important to you. I have a lot of content around questions to ask employers during the interview process to get an understanding of their flexibility and how to spot any major red flags.
Typically, employers will push your boundaries to the limit as the norm. That’s how they operate, unfortunately. It’s only once you set and communicate clear boundaries of your own that they will ultimately yield. Thus, the onus is on us as employees to know our boundaries, communicate them, and reinforce them in the workplace. This does not come naturally to most of us, as it isn’t talked about enough. If you were raised like me to be a quiet people-pleaser who puts her head down and works hard no matter the circumstances, setting boundaries can feel like quite the personality shift. It can even feel selfish at first. But once you start, you’ll never look back. You will have evolved to be your own biggest advocate and the results are worth it.
One practical way I carved out space between work and life was by working closely with my boss to define my specific priorities and goals each quarter. Goal clarity is one of the keys to a manageable workload. That and knowing your limits. Once you have a good handle on your workload limit, it’s easier to establish guardrails. Perhaps in your work, three decent-sized goals per quarter is what’s feasible. The more specific these goals are, the better. This will vary depending on the nature of your work. You can always add on smaller goals that are lower priority. Always start with less. Don’t agree to take on too much because they will see that as an invitation to continue piling on the work. It’s also important to check in with your boss regularly as the needs of the business shift- this will impact your goals.
Another tip is to know your core values and life priorities and advocate for them. For example, I had my weekly therapy sessions visible on my calendar and I informed my boss about it. I was honest and vulnerable about how necessary it was for me to attend therapy weekly. Without it, I’m not set up for success to deliver my best work. I explained that my therapist was only available during business hours. If your boss is reasonable and somewhat emotionally intelligent, they will understand. The more we talk openly about mental health struggles and bring them to the forefront of the workplace, the more normalized it will become.
I alluded earlier to the importance of boundary-setting in the workplace. The first step is to take some time to define what your boundaries are. Without knowing exactly what yours are, you can’t communicate them, and that often leads to burnout. Workplace boundaries fall into five categories- physical, emotional, communication, time, and workload. I go into detail about each of these in my book Power Mood (chapter 12). For example, a communication boundary for me is I don’t give out my cell phone number. I’m easily reachable via email and digital chat. A physical boundary for me is I don’t hug people in the workplace. I’m not comfortable with it. And no one has taken issue with that because I’m confident and firm in my boundary.
Time boundaries are important. A great way to create space between work and your life is to enforce time boundaries. That means you start work at a specified time and end at a specified time. You don’t answer emails or do any work before or after those set times. If you work somewhere that requires responding to urgent needs after hours, firstly make sure you are being compensated for that, and secondly be sure to define exactly what “urgent” means. Things your boss considers “urgent” might not be urgent in reality. Often, we have to actively push back on the definition of urgency.
Once you’ve established your boundaries, the next step is to communicate them to your boss. This is best done early in your relationship with them, if possible. I find that being authentic and honest with them is the best route. Don’t overthink it. It will eventually become easy to advocate for what’s important to you- whether that’s therapy, family time, alone time to recharge, time for your hobbies/passions, pets, etc. It’s common for your boss and colleagues to forget about your boundaries from time to time. Usually, it’s not malicious. This is when reinforcement comes in. It’s quite common to have to reinforce your boundary multiple times after you initially set it. It’s worth it.
One final tip is to establish essential transition time between work and home each day. Build it into your routine. For example, if you commute, consider that your buffer time. Decompress from the day, journal if you need to, listen to your favorite music or podcast, and gradually turn off your work brain. The goal is to leave work at the door by the time you reach home. Time at home is your time, not theirs. If you work remotely, this can be trickier and underlines why time boundaries are so important. Stick to your end time and close the laptop shut. Establish a habit- immediately transition into doing something you enjoy such as snack time, a quick workout, reading, or listening to a podcast. Pick something that shifts your brain and body into personal mode. For me, I like to have a snack and text my friends. That signals the workday is over.
How do you carve out intentional space between work and life? DM me @apowermood on Instagram.
